Road To Recovery (2008)

Deep Traps

I’m sitting in a chair forcing to write.
I’m looking out the window on my side at all the beauty and I don’t care.

because I feel it inside. Sharp pieces of glass sticking out of my side.
I swear it feels like that.
“Please, never again!” I always say, and pretend its okay.
And realize nothing is going to change.

I fall in deep traps for no reason.
I try not to cry.
And I won’t give in, yet I never win.
I’m always stuck with pain.

I’m lying on the grass looking at stars.
I turn and see a spider on my arm and I do not even want to care.

Look at me. I’m going in circles.
You can’t stop me. I’m spinning in circles.
I cannot breathe… 

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

An Eagle's Claw

If you take away my heart, seems crazy, but I’ll live my life the same.
I don’t need a valve to pump and maybe I won’t have to live today.
And it seems like pride’s always the answer.
To me pride’s so far away.
And I breathe for love, so I’ll breathe faster.
It doesn’t have to be this way.

How can I say that I’m a mess to you tonight?
How can I say I feel alive and yet I’ve died?
I’ve seen the worst and yet I’m happier.
My pride’s alone.
How can I say that love’s illusions caught my eye?

Oh it’s hard to live a life so mellow when you have a knife within.
It’s an operation drenched with trouble.
It’s a poison in my skin.
This procedure’s taking oh so long to remove what’s in my rib cage.
And my head is spinning off.
My mind’s soon going to be erased today.
It doesn’t have to be this way.

I need a life! I need some time! My body’s grieving;” I need you!”
My body’s right, I’m crazy. I’m going insane because I need you.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

Sideways

I’m here with you. Our feet are crossed.
My brain is on. My thoughts are wild.
Your hair is in my view. As I lay here with you sideways.
I’m thinking of my days back home when mom would sing her “we belong.”
My thoughts are all but new.
As I lay here with you sideways.

When I’m with you I understand me.
You’re lovely can’t you see?

Remembering my happy days, like Sydney’s birth, my wedding day.
I’ll stay afloat with you, if you float with me too always.

My mind's awake, the water’s cold, but I will keep on diving.
On and on I’m staring at these words my mind keeps writing and writing!
My minds a book, and out it comes in song.
I’m so alive when I’m with you and were together on our path arriving.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney

I'm On Fire

Please don’t follow me when I walk around.
I’m dangerous. I’ll curse your ground.

But I know I can’t run away,
Even though I’m a walking flame.
Everything is like a big charade.
I’m on fire but I know I’ll generate...

Then I’ll find some snow.
Then I’ll find your face.
I’ll burn your lips.
You can turn an old weed to a rose.

I’m on fire but I know I’ll generate back to my form.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney

Blue Tree

Give me a reason. Give me some answers.
What’s a side effect? I can’t write any faster.

I’m stuck barely breathing, my hearts beating faster.
I feel like the blue tree on my shirt.

I’m down in a river. It’s okay cause it’s shallow.
I can’t stand medication; it’s making me black out!

Oh I’m stuck in this coma. I’m so out of place.
I feel like the blue tree on my shirt.
I feel like I’m ending.
I'm so powerless.
I feel like that blue tree on my shirt.

I’m okay. I have everything else that I have ever wanted.
Yet I have more. With life I scored.
Love is an eight, I scored a ten.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

In The Clouds

Is there anybody out there?
Can anybody see?
My hands are full of rocks and does anybody care that I am throwing them.
They’re skidding on the water.
They are sinking in the sea.
I’ve fallen in a day thought.
I’m lying on the sand; and I am gliding high into that sun lit sky.

I know you are in the clouds, and you know there’s a spot for me.
And even if you’ve fallen down, you know that I’ll fall with you.
And you know that I’ll grab your hand.
And you know that you’re loved.

Can anybody feel me?
I’m full of emotion.
I’m sinking in the sand here as I sleep away my thoughts.
And I am hunting down that pleasing sound.
I believe I’ve woken and I’m still in the clouds.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

Every Second

I’m singing a lot. It’s something you’ve taught me.
I cry all the time. You’ve taught me that one too.
I’m driving to work; I look at the mountains separating us.
You’re close but yet so far.

You’re always on my mind.
I’m restless constantly.
I miss you every second of the day.

When you come down you smile when I see you.
Rain falls from your eyes. Esteem is in mine.
We hug and we feel the power in our bones.
I just think of the sound of the rain.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney

Lost

I set foot walking, I needed a path.
I’ll find the quickest way out of the mess.
The signs I saw they said, “Jordan you’re lost.”
The sky grew darker and I needed time.
My feet grew heavier. My eyes were dry.
I came face to face with a wolf and I lost the fight.

I’m melting.
I’m changing this forgotten path.

I lay there slightly alive and in vain.
My hopes grew darker as time shades away.
“Jordan, get up!” yeah I’d yell out my name.
I finally stood up and brushed off my legs.
My vision started to focus.
The shade from all the trees started to fade away.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney  

My Queen

I’ll write, and I’ll sing, but nothing matters anymore.
And I’ll take one last look at what I had before,
because I’ve been taken up to heaven with someone and it’s quite beautiful.
The air is like diamonds.

When your green eyes gaze into mine my queen…

It’s been more than three years and my smile’s not fading.
A heart so big, Katie I love you forever.

When your green eyes gaze into mine my queen…


music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

Twenty Two

I’ve been known for twenty two years.
I have learned to write.
And I’ve been writing songs for the last twenty two years blind,
because there’s something lurking deep inside.
There’s something I don’t get.
I’ve been asleep twenty two years now my eyes are wide.
Yet there’s still something that I can’t throw my wings on to.
My eyes are dry.
Oh I won’t cut my guts out, first I’ll sit and write.

What am I waiting for?

I’ve been holding on for twenty two years.
Now I’m not, because I understand my cure is poison that my body won’t drink.
And I’ve died before, but now I’m stuck deciding my own fate.

What am I waiting for?

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

This Mystery

Sheep jump gates in her dreams as she prayed out the window knowing all her fears.
We’d see in her eyes as she stared back into ours gazing tear to tear.
This is your time to be with your son Michael to live for eternity.
I’m going backwards into her backyard.

This mystery’s dying in May.
Her fists have spoken to describe her pain.
We’re lost, we’re drowning in memories.
Soon she’ll be crawling, she’s crawling through me.

For me, I’ve noticed the scene of where we all used to share love and harmony.
It’s fading away. I see an old photo slowly evaporating.
I guess we’re fine. But I want more.
This nightmare’s haunting all of me.
I’m going backwards into her backyard.


music and lyrics by jordan sweeney

Rocks

I’ll find out that evil has come to be in all that’s around.
I’ll leave town searching for answers left under the ground.
And I’ll write home. In this disaster I’m under rocks, but I’m alive.

And I’ll write this song even though I’m struggling.
And I’ll fight this off.
I’ll push these rocks off me.
I’m up I’m down, but I’ll sure be off the ground.

I lost my bones, and my body’s decaying.
My nervous are all that’s alive.
Restless nights. Searching for a cure.
Heaven sounds so divine.

I’ll sleep this off.
I’ll be up tomorrow.
And my sight is strong.
I’ll keep following arrows that I’ve have made.
It’s that smile on her face.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney 

Butterflies

I look out of my window
I see her there. I stare and wonder why?

Little butterflies, there’s no pain in a butterfly.
When they fly, do they know they fly?
They’re so real and yet I’m not alive.

I lay there. Wait a while and it lands on me.
Gazing eye to eye.

Little butterflies, there’s no pain in a butterfly.
When they fly, do they know they fly?
They’re so real and yet I’m not alive.

music and lyrics by jordan sweeney